Posts by compound complex

Inexperienced writers think "he said," "she asked" become so boringly repetitive that they must tart up the dialogue tags with insane examples, such as I used in the first entry. Nix the adverbs.

Example 2, and your fine writing, do more to show, rather than tell, what the characters are thinking and/or doing. The simple and recommended dialogue tags (said/asked) actually become "invisible," unhampered by overuse of "Tom Swifties":

I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.

"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.

"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.

"I couldn't believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!" Tom recounted.

"Don't you know my name?" asked Tom swiftly.

"Your fly is undone," was Tom's zippy rejoinder.

"I only have diamonds, clubs and spades," said Tom heartlessly.

"Don't add too much water," said Tom with great concentration.

"I wonder if there's a number between seven and nine," said Tom considerately.

"I manufacture tabletops for shops," said Tom counter-productively.

"It's not fair!" said Tom darkly.

"I haven't had any tooth decay yet," said Tom precariously.

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Do you know about dialogue tags and action beats?

by compound complex in

jw
friends

greetings, fellow posters:.

before i give my own answer to the above, kindly read this silly little mother/daughter scenario i came up with for the writing class i teach.

it has to do with how to write more effectively.. thanks!.

compound complex

OUTLAW:

Great, as usual! THANKS!

Just thought of a real-life scene between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor (I think):

"If you were my husband, I'd give you poison!"

"If you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

13

Do you know about dialogue tags and action beats?

by compound complex in

jw
friends

greetings, fellow posters:.

before i give my own answer to the above, kindly read this silly little mother/daughter scenario i came up with for the writing class i teach.

it has to do with how to write more effectively.. thanks!.

compound complex

Greetings, fellow posters:

Before I give my own answer to the above, kindly read this silly little mother/daughter scenario I came up with for the writing class I teach. It has to do with how to write more effectively.

THANKS!

******************************************************

“I can’t do this anymore,” Mary sighed wearily.

“What can I do to help? Mother implored beseechingly.

“I don’t know, I just don’t know,” Mary intoned breathlessly.

“Well, I’m going to make you a cup of restoring tea,” Mother quipped reassuringly.

*******************************************************

“I can’t do this anymore,” said Mary. Weary from long hours at work and sleepless nights, she looked at the pile of laundry on the back porch floor and groaned. Detritus covered furniture and floor from days and days of inattention to the house’s general upkeep.

“What can I do to help?” Mother asked. Knowing her daughter all too well, Margaret was careful, when visiting Mary, not to take charge and start cooking and cleaning unasked. She waited for her daughter to respond, keeping her habit to be a helicopter mom in check.

“I don’t know, I just don’t know,” Mary replied. She welcomed Mother’s help, but shouldn’t she be able to run her household and career effortlessly? Maybe I should toss my pride aside and let her help, Mary thought to herself, knowing her eager mother would have the house all spic and span and dinner on the table in one hour. She waited . . . and waited. . . .

“Well, I’m going to make you a cup of restoring tea,” Mother said.

****************************************************

You finish the scene, if you like!

61

Mental Illness

by Tallon in

over many years i have been pondering how mental illness has impacted upon jw's due to the effects of indoctrination.

in my case; when i was 21 i had a breakdown and was hospitalised for 6 weeks.

i was diagnosed with anxiety tension state disorder.

compound complex

Thanks, steve2, for a much appreciated reply.

When I wrote in another thread regarding THE TRUTH in the '60s and '70s, I was clearly in Pollyanna mode. New and eager, I saw only the good because that's all I perceived early on.

I'm of a different opinion now, not one of anger or bitterness. No, just one that recognizes hard realities.

With gratitude, . . .

Edited to add my thanks to Vidiot for his post -- spot on!

61

Mental Illness

by Tallon in

over many years i have been pondering how mental illness has impacted upon jw's due to the effects of indoctrination.

in my case; when i was 21 i had a breakdown and was hospitalised for 6 weeks.

i was diagnosed with anxiety tension state disorder.

compound complex

(((((Sylvia)))))

!!!

61

Mental Illness

by Tallon in

over many years i have been pondering how mental illness has impacted upon jw's due to the effects of indoctrination.

in my case; when i was 21 i had a breakdown and was hospitalised for 6 weeks.

i was diagnosed with anxiety tension state disorder.

compound complex

I have already written about young Bethelites, in an earlier post, but there's more . . . always more:

We young Bethel brothers were homesick, feeling all the hormonal emotions a kid experiences. Serving Jehovah and the so-called people of good will -- bringing them into the fold -- helped allay our unfulfilled yearnings. Well, as long as we were busy, and, except for those furtive hours of scant sleep, we were on the go nonstop.

Many of us had breakdowns, even though Bethel HQ did recognize our need for recreation, providing onsite facilities: bowling, basketball, etc. That's what I recall. However, my friends and I in the foreign language congregations were way too busy to unwind. One of my friends, perhaps the hardest working of all, often came home late an night from an assignment and collapsed on his bed in his street clothes. Several of us hardworking kids wound up in the infirmary, quit assignments, ran away, attempted suicide, left for good . . .

I don't believe my fellow Bethelites were as emotionally damaged as I, given my own family history; but the relentless giving and giving will take its toll -- on anyone.

And, I repeat: FOG, FOG, FOG, . . .

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